Writing With Attention Deficit Disorder

I read today that the real-life Bella is cheating on the real-life Edward with the real-life director of SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN. Ouch for poor Cedric Diggory whose heart was mutilated more by Bella than it ever was by He Who Shall Not Be Named.

And this is what distracted me today while I sat in Barnes & Noble for a cool two hours trying to tap words into my iPad.

I am always impressed by those who can sit for hours and days on end, finishing their novel in a matter of months. My goal is to finish MOONSAULT by the end of 2012. I am only 11 chapters in. My trouble is not my drive nor my passion; I have both by the truckload. It is my battle with Attention Deficit Disorder and my attempt to handle it without medication.

Most days are a success. I sit wherever the vibe is right and I tap, tap, tap away, until my brain reaches a lethargic, fuzzy place. And since I edit as I type, I tend to squeak out only one chapter at a time, never moving from a sentence or a paragraph until the flow feels right.

But today, I struggled. From the love woes of Robert Pattison to the small audio vibrations of those around me (ie. pencils rubbing paper, fingers on keyboards, pages being turned, etc.), I simply could not find my stride. Even now, I have chosen to write this blog because I cannot focus enough on the manuscript I am so eager to complete.

I can best describe the struggle like this–I literally see a million butterflies fluttering around my head. I see them all clearly. But they are all fluttering so fast, I cannot catch any one of them, even though I have a large, tightly woven net and an extra long handle. It feels impossible.

But it’s just today. Experience has shown me that sometimes my mind will slow down enough to let me write. Until then, maybe I should consider the meds my awesome NYC therapist had put me on. I only stopped taking them because my brain started depending on them more and more, and I was uncomfortable with that. But perhaps its worth it?

Either way, Robert Pattison is so much better without her.

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